Glenn Beck is a man.
A manly man. No, he’s more like a man’s man. Beck is a manly man’s man of a man. Glenn Beck doesn’t shave. He blowtorches the stubble off. He flosses with barbed wire, but never has to brush his teeth. Beck wills plaque and cavities away.
Beck makes the Dos Equis man blush. Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Glenn Beck at night. Okay, the last statement was too much.
But Norris would want Beck at his side in a bar fight for sure.
Now, Glenn Beck wants to pass his manhood on to your children.
Um, that doesn’t sound right. He wants to pass on his manliness. Let’s just say toughness. Beck in one of his recent programs discussed child discipline and suggested going the former Rutgers University basketball coach, Mike Rice route.
Push, slap, smack, beat and berate good and God into your wimpy brats. But instead of throwing basketballs at your child’s head, use a Bible and copies of Beck’s books instead. Like Jesus said in the gospel of Beck, “Come unto me little children, and ye receive a holy smackdown.” Beck also believes in “Suffer little children.”
“Push them against a wall so they don’t run crying!” Beck demands. Because Glenn Beck wouldn’t be caught dead crying like a sissy.